Essential Ingredients by Mr Infallible


This is a straightforward recipe which is also great fun. Firstly let us gather together our ingredients:


 * 1-2 heroes (may be increased to 3-4 heroes depending on the size of the story)

* 5-6 ferocious villains (at least one of them should be completely bonkers)

* Lots of strange and exotic locations

* Plenty of natives and pirates

* Plenty of wild animals

* One ready-to-erupt volcano


Mix together all the ingredients very thoroughly. Knead the mixture until it begins to resemble a book, then leave to one side to rest. The mixture should then begin to rise. If it rises too much and starts to splurge over the edges of the book, transfer the excess onto a piece of paper and save for future adventures. Once the excess has been trimmed off, you may shape the mixture in just the way you want and it’s ready to serve. Happy adventures!

Chapter 4. What the bad guys are up to…

The Chief of Police was a big round man with long, curly hair. The Minister of Justice was even rounder than him but had no hair at all.

They were both seated at opposite ends of the enormous table at the Ministerial Residence, gorging themselves with food. The table was so huge that they had to shout in order to hear each other.

On the table in front of them lay an entire pig with an apple in its mouth, a turkey stuffed with potatoes and carrots, slices of banana covered in chocolate sauce and cream, a spit-roasted lamb, fried chickens, a three-tier chocolate cake, a salami sausage as big as your leg, ten plates full of a variety of biscuits, a gigantic pot of pasta with sausages, two huge wheels of cheese that smelled like stinky feet, a one-and-a-half metre long swordfish marinated in lemon, about two hundred meatballs, loaves of bread, side-dishes and so much more food that I can’t even name it all. And, last but not least… a whole whale.

The waiters, who were dressed in tuxedos, were dashing from one end of the table to the other serving plates of food to the Minister of Justice and the Chief of Police, filling up their glasses with brightly coloured drinks and sweeping up all the left-over bits of food dropped by the two greedy men.

The Minister of Justice let out a gigantic burp before saying, ‘Well done Mr Chief of Police. You have certainly sorted this problem out. Mad Dog Joe will be very grateful to you.’ At this point he grabbed a chicken thigh and just as he stuffed it in his mouth one of his shirt buttons pinged off, hitting a crystal glass on the table and shattering it. Following the loss of this button, a portion of his big greasy belly plopped out of the resulting gap in his shirt.

The Chief of Police replied with a big smile, ‘And well done to you too, Mr Minister of Justice. I think we can safely say now that we are guaranteed our positions in the new evil empire of Mad Dog Joe.’

They both burst into laughter. Whilst laughing they were pushing food in at one end and letting gas out at the other. Eventually one of the waiters, unable to bear it any longer, fainted, collapsing into a heap on the floor.


Mad Dog Joe was over the moon with happiness. He had guessed from the start that the Minister of Justice and the Chief of Police, those two oversized cousins, would not be able to refuse his offer. But to butter them up had taken two whole years. ‘Two whole years in Cannonball Jail!’, he thought to himself. His eyes shone with rage. If it weren’t for that nuisance the Professor he would have conquered the entire world long ago.

Mad Dog Joe harboured a deep loathing for the Professor. No matter how much money Mad Dog had tried to bribe him with, the Professor would not accept it and continued to do battle with him instead.

The man must be some kind of saint! ‘Yes, a real goody-goody!’, he thought to himself. Mad Dog Joe did not like good people.

At that very moment Mad Dog Joe was busy drawing up plans in his notebook for the new laser gun he was going to build. He was adding notes here and there about how he planned to take control of the entire world.

He thought about the Prime Minister and the Minister of Justice; they were both essential to his plans. ‘For now at least…’, he said aloud. He was talking to himself again. Talking to oneself and occasionally laughing out loud are two primary characteristics of crazy villains.

As Mad Dog Joe sat there working on his plan to build a laser gun and fantasizing about taking over the world, one of his men walked in. Like all of his men, this one was dressed head to foot in a black uniform with black sunglasses and a black beret.

‘I’m sorry to interrupt your work Boss, but we’ve got news from Mr Stingy. All of the items that you required are now ready.’

‘Very good’, replied Mad Dog Joe, ‘Tell him to send all of the equipment straight away’.

Author:  Mr Infallible    For more details and Rights enquiries please contact Amy Spangler of AnatoliaLit :

Copyright:  (c) Mr Infallible 2013

Translation copyright (c) Caroline Stockford 2013  ~


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